Wednesday, December 12, 2007

World's Lamest: Tales from the Quarter Box #3

SuperPro terrorizes the Snake Eyes family reunion

World's Lamest: Tales from the Quarter Box #3
NFL SuperPro #1 (Marvel, 1991)
*not to be confused with "KFC SuperCook"

I've gotta say, out of all the donkey-twilt I've read for the "World's Lamest" reviews, the "COLLECTOR'S ITEM!" "1ST ISSUE!" of SuperPro is fairly tolerable. It's played straight and I guess I supposed to fit into the day-to-day Marvel Universe. Spidey even makes a guest appearance and one of the villian's gimicks is to drop F-Bombs (#$@%)

So, SuperPro is in reality Phil Greyfield, gimped up NFL pro, turned sports news journalist. In a random flashback, we're told of SuperPro's bizzare origin. During an interview with an eccentric sports memorbila collector (who for shits & giggles desinged a football supersuit), thieves break in to steal some diamond encrusted jockstraps. Phil is tied up and left to roast in the burning building when "a once-in-a lifetime chemical combination" gave him "enhanced athletic abilities, strength and endurance". I'm not sure what chemicals are stored with sports memoribilia but the only thing I see in the panel is Phil tied up, sitting in a puddle of NFL SuperPee.

We also, see SuperPro first enemy, a player that used experimental steroids and turned into a horrible create with scarring acne and shrivled testies.

And there in lies the patented SuperPro formula. All the plots look to revolve around sports related crimes. Issue one, SuperPro is trying to clear a player involved in a gambling scandel. I'm betting the following issues touched on ticket scalping, excessive celebration and a very special issue dealing with STDs in locker room therapy hot tubs.

All in all, it's pretty much vanilla. Spidey's pointless and just pops up every few pages to give a "the kids doing all right!" cheer. Spider-man likes SuperPro, I guess we're supposed to also. The best thing is the F-Bomb villian. It's foul language the way a 10 year old would write it. Sadly, he falls to his death and oddly enough does not scream an obscenity before going splat.

Check out that haircut. Or the world's most half-assed scalp transplant.

SuperPro, not the worst thing ever created. Plus, it spawned the popular early 90s catch phrase "Fuck, I just bought a SuperPro comic!"


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