Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Scare-weee Goyman Guy! Monster Squad lands on the D-V-D

A toast, to EVIL! TO EVIL!

That's right. It's been 20 short years since Monster Squad slid ever-so-gently into our lives. And judging by the monumental pain-in-the-ass it was to find a copy this morning, America hasn't forgotten them. That or the crackerjack science team that stocks all the Best Buys in a 50 mile radius didn't have the sense to order more than 3 copies per store. I kid you not, all copies we gone by 10:45 am and during my short time in the store, I witnessed 3 nerdlingers, pissed off as a MoFo, that Monster Squad was not on the shelf. Suncoast ordered only enough to fulfill preorders (huh?). But WalMart, sweet hideous WalMart, finally had some.

Anywhooo, after 2 hours of calling and driving I got my sweaty meathooks on a copy. As a kid, I watched to movie all the time, thanks to a copy my parent's made from cable. But, I had kind of forgotten about the movie until about a year ago. Man, once I pop in the dvd, it all came rushing back. It was fantastic. But it also made me fell like a bit of a dickhead. I mean, I can't remember people I went to high school with or entire months of college, but I put Monster Squad and I can recite dialogue from a movie I haven't seen in 17 years or so. But really, what are former friendships and education compared to a dynamite throwing Dracula, being able to buy a near mint Snout-Spout on eBay for $2.49 or playing Wii bowling for five hours with some friends. Yeah...

For your viewing pleasure:
Cops that forget they have gun, the Gillman and a
heavily armed 12 year old named Horace.

Monster Squad is basically if the Ghostbusters and the Goonies had a bunch of kids and those kids formed a squad... to fight, let's say... monsters. Lucky for the MS kids, Dracula forms a Legion of Doom with Frankenstein's monster, the Mummy, the Wolfman and the Gillman to find an amulet that will swing the balance of the world to the darkside. Goofiness ensues.

Ladies and Gentlemen, your 1987 Monster Squad!

The movie still rocks. The dvd looks great. There's some nice extras like commentaries, interviews, deleted scenes, trailer, and stills. Get it if you can find a copy. It'll change you life for an hour and a half or so.
Would you knee the Wolfman for two Scooby Snacks?
After rewatching Monster Squad, here are the top 5 things I've learned from the movie:
During peace-time, the US military has a 24 hour response time to letters written on a Big Chief tablet, in crayon, by a mouth-breathin 8 year old kid.
4) Wolfman is in fact super powered, like the T-1000 or a Manglors toy, able to reattach limbs and reform.
3) Dracula is a demolition expert.
2) Dracula is also kind of a petty asshole. After getting pizza-faced by the Monster Squad, Drac pauses his world domination plan, drives to their home and dynamites the kid's tree house headquarters.
1) After twenty years, Wolfman does indeed still "got nards".

Sunday, July 22, 2007

"I'm Jawa! Wanna buy a droid?"

For some reason this commercial is cracking me up. It's the perfect blend of slightly unbright children and that lovely early Star Wars bliss, before we were inundated with tons of back story and zany alien names. When the name Walrusman sounded like a supervillian. And Jawas weren't an alien race, but just Frank Jawa, droid salesmen.

I also linked a nice old Stormtrooper on Dewback commercial. Is it just me or does if look like the Stormtrooper replaced Fred Flintstone at the rock quarry? I'm betting once that 5 pm bird whistle blows, he slides down the dewback's tail and punches out.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Night Fight Movie Review: Masters of the Universe (1987)

The new movie based on the hit logo

Ahhh, He-mannn!
I like He-man and company quite a bit. I'm not a hardcore fan or collector. As a kid, I really only was into the toys for the first couple of years. "Masters" was kind of like a sordid affair with the neighbor's supermodel wife. It starts out all hot and heavy, but in the end you end up buying some Transformers and M.A.S.K. toys.

"I... HAVE... THE SCOOTS !!!"

But, even though I had moved onto other toy heroes, I still liked He-Man. I still watched the cartoons, read the comics and would browse the new figures at the stores. So, when word came down the 5th grade pipeline that Drago from "Rocky 4" was playing He-Man in a new live action movie, I was all over it.

The movie in a nutshell:
Skeletor takes control of Greyskull and the Sorceress using the cosmic key. He-Man and co. quantum leap to earth with Yoda's son, Gwilldor, using another cosmic key. They meet Courtney Cox from "Friends" and her synthesizer playing boyfriend and hilarity ensues. It all comes down to a showdown at Greyskull with He-Man fighting a Skeletor wrapped in gold foil.

Skeletor captures the Sorceress and forces her to wear
the rocket ship that Superman flew to earth in.

I , like many others, was a little disappointed that Eternia was only given about 10 minutes of screen time. But overall the movie was aces in my book. Skeletor had his usual minions with high failure rates and Darth Vader loaned him a squad of Deathstar Gunners. He-Man was heroic. Man-at-arms ate ribs. Plus, there's just something very satisfying about seeing Dolph Lundgren doing that plodding, half-assed jog down a residential street as he is searching for the Cosmic Key. Throw in Courtney Cox and Gwildor and you got Space-Christmas!

And something I only noticed just today, the Scorceress is played by Christina Pickles, who also played Courtney Cox's mom on "Friends". Which got me to wondering, did the "Masters" movie ever come up in conversation on the "Friends" set? Perhaps an awkward story about Dolph's leather underoos from the whipping scene. Or maybe that terrible day when Billy Barty couldn't get out of the suit in time and pooed the Gwildor suit.

Oh, and eagle-eyed "Friends" fans might also spot a
young Matt LeBlanc as Skeletor's henchman, Karg.

He-Man throws Skeletor and Hans down the shaft, but the Emperor breaks their fall.

"I'll be back! In Masters of the Universe II: The Legend of Curly's Gold"

-Dr Geektarded

New camera means new pics...or "recent purchases"

Just a few odds and end from the last few weeks...
Walrusman and Snaggletooth
Half of my quest to find the 4 original aliens is complete. While I've collected some of the newer figures, most of my originals had disappeared into childhood limbo long ago. The new figures are great, but they will never live up to the goofy, off-model versions of the cantina aliens that Kenner originally made. These were always my favorites, especially Walrusman.

The king daddy himself!
I know he's got a fancy alien name nowadays, but to me he'll always be Walrusman!

I must've been a real dullard as a kid, because it wasn't until years later that I figured out that Wally was the dude who got his arm hacked off by Obi-Wan in the bar. Prior to that soul-crushing realization, my tiny brain had built Walrusman up to a bad-ass of Vader-esque proportions. In fact, I used to use him as Vader's right hand man. Oh the adventures I used to have. Wally chasing down Luke and the droids. Wally piloting a TieFighter. And on occasion, when the odds were against him, Wallrusman would take command of ...
I'm in Walrus heaven! Now to find Greedo and Hammerhead...

Next up: Star Wars:Galaxy Heroes.
I've seen this little buggers for awhile now and thus far had resisted the urged to buy any. But the removable helmet Vader stole my heart and my $6.
"Hello my baby! Hello my darling'!"
The way he holds his helmet, I get a heavy Michigan J. Frog vibe. I keep expecting Vader to belt out a bit of "Michigan Rag".

Also picked up a couple of great old vinyl figures from the mid-70s.
The Trix Rabbit and Ernie the Keebler Elf.

And more Transformers madness. Rock'em Sock'em Optimus Prime Pop!

And last but not least, the Burger King.
I remember these from waaaaay back when. Long before the King became the creepy, masked, un-kill-able, supernatural monster he is today. He's the Jason Vorhees of fast food mascots. Believe it!
Anyway, this sucker is like brand new. The box looked like someone had eaten it, shat it out, fed the shat to a dog and then blew the dog up. But the toy was perfect. Still in the packaging, unopened and the stickers unapplied. It's beautiful...
-Dr. Geektarded

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Transfomers is the Awesomeness

Transformers is out and it rocked my lame ass. Action-packed, funny, entertaining, amazing effects (I am now 100 & 10% convinced that there are giant robots hiding out there somewhere) and Optimus Prime walking and talking all over the cineplex. By the time the credits rolled, the 8 years old version of Dr. Geektarded had taken over, grabbed the Visa card and went shopping.

For these precious few weeks surrounding the movie, you can eat, drink, live and breath Transformers. My wallet has felt the strain of a dozen impulse buys and my living room looks like Hasbro threw up all over it. But honestly, can you ever have too many talking Optimus Prime helmets or Megatron "Maxed Chicken Strips" Lunchables.?

If you haven't seen it, get out there and do it! Let that 8 year old that's buried inside run amok for a couple of hours.

The movie has all ready taken in big bucks ($152.5 million in the US in 6+ days), so hopefully this is only the beginning...

-Dr. Geektarded (FYI, The kid in me likes the frosted side)