Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Scare-weee Goyman Guy! Monster Squad lands on the D-V-D

A toast, to EVIL! TO EVIL!

That's right. It's been 20 short years since Monster Squad slid ever-so-gently into our lives. And judging by the monumental pain-in-the-ass it was to find a copy this morning, America hasn't forgotten them. That or the crackerjack science team that stocks all the Best Buys in a 50 mile radius didn't have the sense to order more than 3 copies per store. I kid you not, all copies we gone by 10:45 am and during my short time in the store, I witnessed 3 nerdlingers, pissed off as a MoFo, that Monster Squad was not on the shelf. Suncoast ordered only enough to fulfill preorders (huh?). But WalMart, sweet hideous WalMart, finally had some.

Anywhooo, after 2 hours of calling and driving I got my sweaty meathooks on a copy. As a kid, I watched to movie all the time, thanks to a copy my parent's made from cable. But, I had kind of forgotten about the movie until about a year ago. Man, once I pop in the dvd, it all came rushing back. It was fantastic. But it also made me fell like a bit of a dickhead. I mean, I can't remember people I went to high school with or entire months of college, but I put Monster Squad and I can recite dialogue from a movie I haven't seen in 17 years or so. But really, what are former friendships and education compared to a dynamite throwing Dracula, being able to buy a near mint Snout-Spout on eBay for $2.49 or playing Wii bowling for five hours with some friends. Yeah...

For your viewing pleasure:
Cops that forget they have gun, the Gillman and a
heavily armed 12 year old named Horace.

Monster Squad is basically if the Ghostbusters and the Goonies had a bunch of kids and those kids formed a squad... to fight, let's say... monsters. Lucky for the MS kids, Dracula forms a Legion of Doom with Frankenstein's monster, the Mummy, the Wolfman and the Gillman to find an amulet that will swing the balance of the world to the darkside. Goofiness ensues.

Ladies and Gentlemen, your 1987 Monster Squad!

The movie still rocks. The dvd looks great. There's some nice extras like commentaries, interviews, deleted scenes, trailer, and stills. Get it if you can find a copy. It'll change you life for an hour and a half or so.
Would you knee the Wolfman for two Scooby Snacks?
After rewatching Monster Squad, here are the top 5 things I've learned from the movie:
During peace-time, the US military has a 24 hour response time to letters written on a Big Chief tablet, in crayon, by a mouth-breathin 8 year old kid.
4) Wolfman is in fact super powered, like the T-1000 or a Manglors toy, able to reattach limbs and reform.
3) Dracula is a demolition expert.
2) Dracula is also kind of a petty asshole. After getting pizza-faced by the Monster Squad, Drac pauses his world domination plan, drives to their home and dynamites the kid's tree house headquarters.
1) After twenty years, Wolfman does indeed still "got nards".

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