What follows is 32 pages of nodding-off action and fractured Middle Earth talk. Wolverine rescues folks from the noon-time dinosaur attack, fights Red Sonja and they almost knock loin cloths (Red has sworn to bed-down with whoever bests her in poorly drawn battle). Meanwhile Conan cuts a deal with Wizzo the Wizard; if he kills a rival priest, Wizzo will resurrect Conan's dead girlfriend.
Our lovable hatchet-face Logan beats up women.
Paths are crossed and Wolvie and Conan fight it out at the rival priest's temple. Conan nearly decapitates Wolverine and leaves him or dead. Wolverine comes back to life brain damaged and feral from the lack of oxygen. Conan and Wolvie fight yet again. This time, Wolvie hacks off Conan's bowling hand, they both battle a demon and Conan gets drop-kicked to X-Men land during the Dark Phoenix battle.
Conan's famous werewolf impersonation cracks up Wolverine.
Wolverine, trapped in Middle Earth, lives happily ever after as a king. With Red Sonja by his side, and a lack of Level +4 Dragon Scale Condoms, we can only assume that they will have numerous hairy, red-headed children that say "Bub" a lot.
Baby Huey has a headache "this big!"
But what of the one-handed Conan? What zany Marvel-esque adventures await him? None. The dunderhead thinks Jean Grey is Red Sonja, goes nuts and kills the Shi'Ar and X-Men. Thus the Phoenix goes ka-blooy and wipes out the entire Marvel Universe, including the Popples, Dakota North and Police Academy.What if? Vol. 2 #16...ass-soup.